Blocked

Part of the reason why I undertook this blog project was to get myself writing more. Ever since I have been able to read, I have written. When we were very young my brother and I used to ‘re-write’ our favourite cartoon shows for each other. As I’ve grown older and especially as I have been in school and in work, I found myself writing fewer pieces that were mostly for the enjoyment of writing.

I really respect language and words. That adage about sticks and stones breaking bones but words will never hurt me, has never run true for me. Words hurt too. I know what it’s like to be degraded by a stranger. I know what it feels like to brace for impact when you prepare yourself to be wounded by somebody else’s offensive wit. I have felt my heart break from a careless word. Alternatively I have been lifted up by nurturers and believers. I have felt my soul sing from someone telling me they are with me.

Anyway, all of this is to say that I take the process of writing seriously. And I love it. I love it because it is something about myself that has remained consistent. I love it because it allows me to say things that I didn’t even recognize as true until I put the metaphorical pen to paper.

So, given all that, I wonder why it is so difficult at times to just write write write. When people have used the term writer’s block before, I envisage a a solid cement wall suddenly erupting right in the middle of a writers train of thought. For me, the wall is bricked. And the bricks are dynamic. And the bricks are my own handiwork. The bricks tell me that all of this is meaningless so why even bother. They tell me I will never be at a level that I will be satisfied with. They tell me what I want to say will make me seem too vulnerable, too boring, too sad, too insincere, too average, too complicated, too simple and on and on and on.

The only thing that knocks down the bricks is thinking back to my childlike logic. Considering just why my brother and I were re-telling an episode of The Jetsons. I did it because I loved it. I still do and so I still will.