I’m not very good at saying goodbye. I tend to over utilize distraction or denial to process everything. Even now, I struggle to think of a time when I resolutely said goodbye. Closed the door with finality. Walked away, knowing what I was leaving behind.
I had such big declarations in January. Promises that I made to myself. An excitement to treat myself to the pursuit of my dreams, for the very first time in my life. Come Spring, I was already wavering. Come the summer, I wondered if the only force pushing me forward was my inability to say goodbye.
What if the only reason I am holding on to my dreams is because I never learnt how to process saying goodbye?
And then you arrived, December.
There is a reason that most people begin making their lists when you arrive. Not just lists about material things they want. But also who they love. And who they want to be. And what they would like from life.
It isn’t just because you come at the end, and people are reminded of the insistent ticking of time going by. It is also because you bring family. And friends. And celebration. And jubilation.
And in the midst of being around those we love, we remember what we love about ourselves.
It is not my dream because I can’t walk away. It’s my dream because for as long as I can remember, it is the one thing that has been consistently me.
Not just to the people in my life. But to my heart, to my soul, to my being.
I want to write.
Thank you December, for taking me back to my beginning. Back to my promise.
Until next time,